Internet therapy or useless ranting.

So everyone has one of these nowadays, don't they? Well I do anyways. I've always wanted to blog, but quite frankly, I knew I'd just get bored with it and stop after a couple of posts, and not update the damn thing for a year, post a couple more, and repeat the cycle.

However, lately, it seems that I have been doing a lot of introspection about my life, and feeling a little disconnected from a lot of things that are important to me, mostly my wife and daughter, for about a month now.

Now I am not like I was a couple of years ago, so depressed that I couldn't muster up the energy or desire to be involved with them. Not at all... it's just that I've slipped in my level of enthusiasm, for a lack of a better term.

Let's explore this. After every element, I will include a score. Why? I am not really sure. Maybe it'll help me figure some things out... who knows.

Let's begin.

I work graveyards in a very boring, unfulfilling job, making barely enough money to support a family of 3. (+5)

In January, I made the monumental decision to return to school to pursue my associates degree in computer networking, and foolishly made my schedule to where my Tuesday/Wednesday schedule amounts to maybe 4 hours of sleep in 39 hours (More on this later) (+8)

Last week, I took out a used car loan for $3150 to purchase a new minivan for my wife (6.75% for 26 months) (+2)

So I am giving myself a stress score of 15, which probably serves no purpose because I have no scale to compare it to, but it makes me feel better. Obviously, the higher the number, the more stress involved though...

Ok, I feel the need to address these three points one at a time. First, the unfulfilling, very boring graveyard job. It's my fault that this is pretty much all I am qualified for right now, since I was extremely disinterested in high school, graduating with a sub 2 GPA, and was way to immature to even consider finishing college. Or one semester of college for that matter. So maybe part of my funk is a subconscious pity party for myself because I wasted my opportunity when I had it.

Going back to school. This actually came about because of one of those stupid Facebook "Where do you belong" quizzes that I took out of boredom. It actually said I belong in Idaho, which, after sharing with my wife and having a few good laughs, we started doing some research and what we found convinced us that that's pretty much where we belong. But I didn't want to uproot my family just to get stuck in another dead end job, so I decided to go to school, with my end goal of getting my degree so we can move to Boise with a better chance of getting a better job.

Now here's where the stupid part comes in. My work schedule is: Sunday 8:00am - 4:00pm. Monday - Thursday 11:00pm - 7:00am. Which means Mondays are a good day to take some classes because I will have had a decent night sleep. So I schedule my Psychology class for 1:10-3:15pm Mondays and Wednesdays, and my Algebra class 5:45-7:50pm Mondays and Wednesdays. Which means, Tuesday, I get up around 5 in the afternoon, go to work from 11 until 7, get home at 8, sleep until roughly 12:30, go to class, come home and maybe take a nap or not, go to math class, come home and eat, and go back to work from 11-7. Not a lot of sleep there, which makes me a pain to be around.

Thankfully, Monday is my last Psychology class, and I will finish that with an A, so I guess it paid off...

The car loan. This was done out of necessity, and the fact that I thought it would be a cool valentines day present to my wife. Got a nice 2001 Dodge Grand Caravan Sport for a good price, and it fits into our budget (barely). Just got to figure out how to get it paid off in 2 years instead of 3.

So I guess the light at the end of the tunnel is I finish Psychology Monday, finish Algebra on 3/22/10, and have 2 weeks off before my second quarter. Now I learned from my mistake, and am trying something new with this quarter schedule. Same work schedule, but my school schedule will be Speech Fundamentals on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:45-7:50, and Humanities on Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 8 - 10:05. This should put me in a little more balanced sleep pattern, and maybe I'll start to emerge from this little funk I am in...

Ok, I doubt anyone who read this whole thing (if anyone did read this whole thing) cares one way or another... no problem. I know I feel better now, getting some of this pent up emotion out. But this is what to expect from this blog. I don't know when I will post again, hopefully soon, and I don't know what I will post, and quite frankly, I don't care if you enjoy it, follow it or ignore it. This is more for me than you, but the light is on, coffee made and a chair is waiting if you feel the urge to have a seat and listen... you never know, you might like it. I might like it. We'll see...